Not a feeling. Just a number. I constantly feel 20 different ages every day. I can’t seem to grasp the fact that I’m 18. I feel 12 and 25 at the same time, I don’t feel like an 18-year-old who is young, wild & free. I crave more stability. When I think of an 18-year old I think of a carefree girl who is single & wants to be. Someone that is out & about constantly. I don’t feel 25 because that feels old to me, but I live on my own and take care of myself. Isn’t that being an adult? I don’t live in a dorm, I skipped that stage of young adulthood being constantly surrounded by your new friends and now I am here, Blessed to be here but it feels odd. I don’t know what I’m supposed to be. I feel like I’m going through a 20-year-olds quarter-life crisis or something. But at the same time, I feel like such a young girl, wanting someone to take care of me and have my back all the time. Having to do things for yourself can be pretty hard and having no one to fully depend on is tough. Adulting is hard. But I don’t feel like an adult and I don’t feel like a young adult either. I’m not sure what I am or where I am. I guess there is no linear way of acting your age and everyone is different. I’m just confused about what stage of life I’m on? Like where to go from here. I'm so young but want stability and to have it all figured out. It's strange to me that I have so much more life to experience. So much unknown. So much could happen. I want to know but I can't and I won't. I will come to terms with that eventually. Maybe some sort of stability in friendships rather than a relationship is what I’m craving. Stability of some sort is on my mind... All in all, I think age is just a number in most cases. It’s not definitive of who you are & or what you feel. I don’t feel any age. But with age come stages? Right. People say your early 20s are for finding yourself, when you are a teenager you are reckless and have little to no responsibility and in your late 20s you finally settle down, and so on. I’m having a hard time finding my stage. The stage I’m at is currently finding where I fit on this scale, is that a stage of life in itself? Figuring out where you are in it. I guess I’m just in the figuring it all out-stage. Age is not a feeling nor a number. It is just something we use to measure time. That is my Lil brain dump and something I was up all night thinking about. Okie bye -
Lurv you
- Syd ney
Here is some photos of little me: ( I haven't changed)
Sydney, I love how you can encapsulate your feelings with such felicity. As cheesy as it might sound life is a journey, and we don't need to really know where we are, who we are, or what we are doing; and in my opinion why should we minimize our lives into stages when we can just define ourselves with the events in our lives (i hope that makes sense). And I agree with you, age is really just a number, a social construct some might say ( not to sound precocious) we can feel whatever we want to feel, and I am so proud of you for knowing what you want, stability is important regardless of age and I really…