Blog Post Entry: #12 "I met the love of my life!!!!.." :0

I looked in the mirror! Sounds cheesy. Well, it is. But Nonetheless, I am, in fact, realizing I am the love of my life. At least I feel this way on November 14th Sunday night at 9:09 pm. This feeling will probably change by the same time tomorrow, and I will be back to longing for someone to call my own, but at this VERY moment, I am the love of my own life. "How you love yourself is how you teach others to love you". I have been falling in love with myself a little bit more every day recently but notably, something sparked in me yesterday afternoon & it all seemed to click. Loving yourself is never linear. It constantly has ups & downs but I feel content with me, myself & I at this very moment. I don't think having anyone to call my own at this pivotal point in my life will do anything but stunt my growth as a person. I believe you can grow with people in intimate relationships, but I recognize I need to grow on my own right now. It is my life and my life is all about me. What works for me, What brings me happiness ,and What treatment I will tolerate. A big question I feel people often ignore in relationships is what is this partnership bringing to you? Are you learning anything from this relationship, Are they positively benefitting you, Is the love your giving an equal exchange of love? .... All questions I don't think I have applied to the relationships in my life. I have a terrible habit of making the other person feel good and forgetting to question if I even feel good in this relationship and how it benefits me. Point blank; I am in my era of focusing on myself and just having fucking fun. I just want to have fun ok. Having fun is FUN and something I want to prioritize instead of focusing on my anxieties...I am protecting my peace.

Moving on to give a recap of my week , It was jam-packed and productive.. I went to museums, with a friend and some classmates, attended an average concert, created a lot of new art, & overall just got my shit together. The concert I went to was an Alex G concert and it was interesting to say the least. No hate to any Alex G listeners, I dabble in some of his songs, so I get the appeal.. But all in all, His concert was mid at least for me. His new music is also not my speed. I like music that is easy on the ears. I am a super sensitive person so whatever media I take in can affect me greatly. I can barely watch scary movies or any true crime tv shows. He did play Mary as his last song which made me and my roommates night. I am not much of a concert gal, which is still something I am coming to terms with.. Which kind of sucks because in theory, they seem like so much fun, but I get sensory overload, and the anxiety can't seem to stop pouring out of me. I know I am lame but I am just anxious ok?! . Pushing on, I have another wild week ahead of me.. Lots to do , and lots to see. So much to see and do that I made 3 separate to-do lists regarding different areas of my life. One for Life necessities/miscellaneous, One for Worldofmyown, & one for my school assignments. I have never been relaxed in my life. Can you tell? Lol. Thanksgiving is coming up, and I am excited to go home & see my family + my beloved friends. Finally, we reunite, which will indeed bring me some peace. Weirdly, I sometimes forget that this is our life now.

We don't live at home anymore. We are more than just a 5-minute car ride away from each other's houses. Seeing each other on breaks and when have free time is our new normal. I am still adjusting. But That is all I have to share for this 12th blog post. I hope you enjoy my brain dump + thoughts on loving oneself. I hope you all can meet the love of your life soon. All you have to do is take one quick look in the mirror ;). I love you all. I still can't believe people read these, I saw someone was reading from Germany! How cool. If that is you and you are reading this now! hi <3 It feels very nice that people wanna hear (or read) what I have to say. Even if it's not the most profound thoughts ever. I appreciate the love, and I am sending it right back.

Ok ok Au Revior

Luv - Syd

Some Photos from the museums I attended:

1st) David Lachappelle's exhibition at fotografsika

2nd) Queer Maximalism x Machine Dazzle at Museum of Art & Design

I highly recommend to visit both museums if you can :)